The Narcissist at Work

Narcissistic Supply is More Addictive Than Heroin

Narcissistic Supply is more addictive than heroin, cocaine and any drug on the market. But what is “Narcissistic Supply” anyway?

If you read any half-way helpful article or book about narcissists, it’s a term that will pop up repeatedly because “supply” is the nugget that defines, depresses, delights, drives and destroys narcissists.

Narcissistic supply is any attention, energy, life, help, support, acknowledgement or approval anyone gives a narcissist for any reason, positive or negative, that FEEDS their pathetic, obsessive, craving for attention.

Narcissistic supply can come from a job, profession, skill set, organization, talent or lifestyle, but it  most often comes from another person: spouse, child, employee, friend, co-workers who interact with the narcissist.

According to Wikipedia:

“The term “narcissistic supply” was used by psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel in 1938 in describing the way in which a narcissistic individual “requires a ‘narcissistic supply’ from the environment in the same way as the infant requires an external supply of food”.[1]

If you happen to be the person the narcissist draws that attention from, know that they will do anything to ensure it keeps coming in, and will fly into a narcissistic rage if it is removed, diminished or cut off for any reason. If you’re thinking you must be special to be able to supply something the narcissist needs so badly, think again.

The narcissist does not consider the person who is his/her supply as a person at all. If you’re supplying your narcissist you may find yourself being treated as if you are a part of the narcissist. “In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between themselves and other people.” You have no identity, reason or purpose other than to feed them what they want. They’re the leech and you’re the host and they are out to suck every ounce of life out of you that they can.

Who is most likely to be a narcissistic magnet? Co-dependents seem to be very attracted to narcissists and vice-versa, but:

  • Anyone, male or female, who expresses awe, wonder, gratitude or praise for the narcissist’s accomplishments and performance, looks, skill set, talent or anything else
  • Anyone who expresses unending gratitude for anything he has ever done for you, said to you, or told you (if you don’t remember, he’ll remind you)
  • Anyone who expresses sympathy and agreement with his self-perception that he is God’s gift to an undeserving world
  • Anyone who puts the narcissist’s needs ahead of their own
  • Anyone willing to join “his team,” and show righteous indignation for his suffering, which is far greater than most and always undeserved no matter what
  • Anyone who shows adoration and compliments for his brain, body, spiritual health , job, car, home, clothing, style, and wisdom, etc.
  • Anyone willing to give up their time, money, attention, life or needs in order to meet all the needs of the narcissist
  • Anyone who shows tacit agreement that he or she is special, misunderstood by the masses, under-appreciated and special
  • Anyone who will acknowledge that the narcissist is entitled, special and above the common people and who should not be subject to normal rules and regulations
  • Anyone willing to overlook the occasional, or repeated violations and exploitation of them for any reason
  • Anyone who fails to recognize or acknowledge the narcissist’s narcissistic behavior in any way

will also make a great narcissist supply.

Don’t get us wrong. It’s not like the narcissist will cling to you forever. The second they find someone with more supply than you, they’re gone. They will leave you in a heartbeat and never look back. Heaven help you if you leave them first tho! You’re likely to experience a narcissistic rage that will cool only after they’ve “punished” you for leaving them!

Narcissists are always looking for someone better than you. And by “better,” that means someone who is more exciting, better looking, richer, higher on the social scale, or who possesses any traits or things the narcissist believes will make THEM appear better.

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9 Comments to "Narcissistic Supply is More Addictive Than Heroin"

  1. David says:

    It is apparent that this is wrote by a Women because there are many reference’s to just Male’s in this as the narcissist. Not Male / Female so you as the writer of this blew any unbiase to your writings which therefore makes it a bogus thought.

    • admin says:

      David, the fact is, the vast majority of narcissists are MALE. There are indeed female narcissists, but the majority are male.

      • christine says:

        Nonsense – what about Narcisstic Mothers??? who creates narcisstic sons – the problem is that the most of the time this wonderfull mommies are never exposed!!, and I am a woman myself, who was raised as a scapegoat by a very intelligent Narcisstic Mother who keeps herself very much in tact and who keeps up her angel face for the world!

        • admin says:

          My mother was a narcissist. They are the worst, for sure. No one ever seems to see the evilness as they’re so busy being distracted by that angel face. I feel your pain and am so sorry you had to be raised by her. You didn’t do anything to deserve it, for sure!

  2. carter says:

    I have a narcissistic father with passive aggressive behavior and a traits of asperge, which all seems to overlap, his mom did not give him enough affection while growing up and he didn`t get respect and individualism from him family.

    I also have a a narcissistic cousin, who grew up without a father and his mom didn`t care much about him. so I have suffered greatly from both these relationships, with all the lack of self esteem and self worth, ” I am always wrong, useless, retarded and never ever right, and I must agree to everything they say or they get angry, especially my father”

    its actually very frustrating, I said suffered because once you realize where the problem is and that NOTHING is wrong with you, you feel a sense of relief and happiness, yes it is still challenging living with them especially my dad who I see everyday, but now you understand the hidden attention behind everything they do, and you learn how to not put their needs before yours, and never get with them into any arguments because NO MATTER WHAT they will always twist the conversation to where they proof a point and get credit for it.

    I thank god that I am a Pharmacy Dr and I have the means to learn and understand, otherwise I would have been a total mess.

    I have developed anxieties, self esteem issues and lack of worth. but now I am much better after learning all about this destructive illnesses

    • admin says:

      I’m so sorry for your family situation growing up. You didn’t deserve it. Remember, they attack you because they don’t feel good about themselves. If you feel worthless, they feel 10 times that, which is why they are so hard on you. I’m glad you see that. You managed to go beyond all they said and do something amazing with your life…and thrive in ways they hate I’m sure. However, it still lingers. Glad you’re still looking and growing. Hang in there!!

  3. Joanne says:

    I don’t know about the vast majority of narcissists being male. In my experience, the vast amount are female.
    And worse, all of them (the ones i know) are mothers. I feel for the children living with mothers who smother or abandon them and have no boundaries.
    I’ve met male narcissists but they haven’t been as malignant.
    Rather, as persistently malignant.

    • admin says:

      Thanks Joanne, statistically the majority of narcissists are male, but women are rapidly catching up with them. I agree, the narcissist mother is a nightmare…mine was one. Both are horrible and destructive and persistently malignant. We tend, as a society, to believe mothers have the best interests of their children in mind. Unfortunately many don’t and it’s less painful to ignore the signs than to remove the children. Thank you for posting. I think you’ve got some great points!

  4. Leigh says:

    My husband is a narcissist.

    Living in this marriage can be heaven or hell- there is no in between. When I’m “feeding the beast” there is peace and harmony…… But the second I disagree with something, I’m made to believe that its me who is wrong and the problem. My husband is emotionally detached and I believe that’s what allows him to be as unkind as he can be. That’s what allows him to take and take from me without guilt.

    Sadly, I’m financially dependant on him and we have a young child together so leaving isn’t an option.

    I honestly don’t even know who I am anymore or what I want in life because he has made it all feel so unattainable.

    I often feel I’m just not good enough to be loved by him.

    Thank you for posting this.

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